Contact with birth family: what the evidence actually says

Applies wherever you live

The finding most people do not expect

Maintained contact with birth relatives is associated
with reduced feelings of loss and grief, stronger identity
development, access to genetic and medical information, preservation
of cultural and ethnic heritage, and a better understanding of why
the adoption happened, which in turn reduces feelings of
rejection.

Extended contact with relatives is linked to more positive
psychological adjustment in young adulthood.

Contrary to the common fear, ongoing contact appears to support
healing by mitigating loss, for both families, rather than reopening
a wound.

Siblings deserve particular attention

Sibling relationships are among the most important
connections a young person in care has, and maintaining them is
associated with resilience. If sibling contact is possible, raise it
early. It is far easier to build into a plan than to add
afterwards.

When contact needs limits

None of the above means all contact in all
circumstances. Supervised contact, or mediation, may be warranted
where there was prior abuse or neglect, where there is untreated
mental health or substance use difficulty, or where boundary
violations are likely.

Wanting contact to be safe is not the same as wanting it to stop,
and it is worth being clear with yourself about which one you are
asking for.

Managing it in practice

• Honour the child’s preferences where it is safe to.
• The child’s best interests come before the adults’
  preferences, including yours.
• Set clear boundaries, and expect to renegotiate them as the
  child grows.
• Address changes in communication proactively. Most damage is
  done by contact quietly fading rather than by a decision.

Contact does not only mean visits. Letters, email, video, texts and
social media all count, and different forms suit different ages and
different levels of safety.

If you are fostering with reunification as the plan

Intense reactions after visits are normal, and you should
expect them rather than read them as evidence that contact is
harmful. Visits tend to go better when they are informal and outside
an agency office, where that is safe.

Children commonly experience divided loyalty, and describe living
two lives. The resolution is not to ask them to choose. It is for you
to actively support the birth family relationship so the child does
not have to.