The first two weeks after a child arrives

Applies wherever you live

Routine before anything else

A predictable day gives a child a sense of control they
have not had. Meals, bedtime and the shape of the day matter more in
the first two weeks than outings, presents or introductions to
people.

Resist the urge to fill the calendar. A quiet, boring, repetitive
fortnight is doing more work than a memorable one.

Physical contact offered, never required

Hugs, hair combing, reading side by side, sitting close
while watching something. Offer, and let the child set the pace.
Encourage eye contact gradually; do not demand it.

A child who does not want to be touched is not rejecting you, and
a child who wants constant physical closeness from a stranger is not
necessarily attached to you. Both are common and neither means what
it appears to.

Their own things

Comfort items the child chooses, not the ones
you would choose for them. Photographs of the people who matter to
them, kept somewhere they can reach without asking. A say in how
their room is set up, down to what goes on the walls and what colour
things are.

Life books, which record a child’s history across moves, are
worth asking about early if one exists.

Introduce people slowly

The evidence-based template for pre-placement visits is
also the right template for extended family: daytime meetings in
familiar settings first, then day visits, then overnight, then
longer.

Grandparents and close friends will want to meet the child
immediately. Ask them to wait. A child who has just moved home does
not have capacity for a queue of new adults who all want a
relationship.

Give them a real job

Age-appropriate household responsibility is not a chore
in this context, it is evidence of belonging. Being needed is part
of being part of something.

What commonly goes wrong

Two other things worth knowing. Unrealistic expectations
going in are one of the identified risk factors for a placement
breaking down, and so is inadequate information sharing
about the child’s history. Both are within reach: ask more questions
than feels polite, and keep asking.

Ask about the rules that are set locally

Bedroom sharing, babysitting and overnight stays away, who
may transport the child, travel out of the area, and photographs on
social media are all licensing conditions. They are set by your
state, province or individual agency, they differ, and they catch
new carers out in the first month. Ask for them in writing before
you need them.